[it's fine! it's fine. this is also just a way for daeshim to be sad without making others sad...or so he thinks. but it won't last, certainly no more than a couple of hours at most.]
[ baein doesn't quite know where they are, but he can smell lennon at this point, when the man is baein's main source of blood.
so he'll find them without protest, knocking on the door to whatever room they're in, dread coiled in his stomach because he doesn't know what happened, and... ]
[ Lennon had thrown on a shirt by the time that Baein got there, sitting on the bed cross legged in shorts similar to the ones he'd sent pictures in. He looks calm but he's absolutely not which the vampire might be able to discern with his tell-tale racing heart. ]
Come in.
[ Mushdae is on the bed right in front of Lennon and he's staring down at him, rubbing at the cap. ]
Fix it... he thinks you didn't mean it when you signed.
[ the way the pitch and power of baein's voice falls into a whisper is laughably obvious as well as some panic that seems to bleed from his face, only to be replaced with guilt. he seems stuck right inside the doorway, though, unsure if he should go further in. lennon had invited him, yes, but... ]
I did not mean it like that. I just... I just thought it was not meant for me.
[ it's directed at the two of them, but he looks at the mushroom when he speaks. ]
I don't understand why you would ask, in such an indirect way. Why would you want to? I'm... [ baein exhales on no air and swallows. no, if he wallows and removes himself, won't that make it worse? ] You have each other, so... why?
[ why did you sign it, baein? because you wanted to, because your twin reassured you, because— ]
[the mushroom just kind of bobs. it's dae's failed attempt to reassure lennon that he's okay...or that he will be okay. it's his version of a good cry. and it always feels good to have his cap touched so gently.
but then he hears bae's voice and he almost wants to shrink even more. yes, he's upset at the thought that bae was just teasing them back, but also at the thought that bae would think that he could joke about the hearts and feelings of others.
he must...bad, for others to think that of him. right?
daeshim listens to his words, but he can't respond or answer any of his questions as he is. so he stretches back into himself in that weird way of his - at least it's a quick transformation.]
Did you know that when you arrived, Lennon also thought that I was done with him?
[ baein drops his eyes to the floor and he's quiet for a second as he tries to rearrange his thoughts into something that isn't confusion or... well, self deprecating. ]
I felt as if I was invading, and upsetting him. In a way, I... I can understand that. But I have no claim over you. I don't even—
[ the vampire catches himself before he finishes that train of thought. looking up again, he glances to lennon first, and then daeshim. his voice wavers slightly. ]
I'm sorry. I didn't sign it because I thought it wasn't real. I just...
You must worry about upsetting me too! Lennon is a gift, I-
[he glances at lennon, back to bae, and then looks down a little guiltily.]
I know I am not tall, I am not handsome or charming. [the daeshim that bae knows must be all of these things and more.] To be honest, I have also worried. I have hesitated, because I was afraid that I would end up alone. But...
[he shakes his head. these are things that he's kept to himself for a reason, and they're mostly resolved feelings now.]
I know now that he won't be taken away from me, nor I from him. But it doesn't mean that my heart is closed. It's not so simple, is it? Are we invading on your feelings for Jasper? In your world, who is the one who's not needed or wanted? Is it Jasper or is it me? Which one could you live without?
[ Lennon stays quiet, still just holding Daeshim close and letting that calm him down bit by bit. His heart rate isn't quite all the way back to normal still. His eyes lower and it's all kind of strange. How Baein talks like he has no claim to Daeshim when Lennon thinks that Baein and Jasper have the most claim to him. He rests his forehead on Daeshim's shoulder, hugging tight around his middle.
He wants to argue when Daeshim talks about himself that way. His grip only tightening around him. He will tell daeshim how perfect he is again later...
He swallows a little at the direction the conversation takes and he feels like he doesn't quite belong in this conversation. He peeks at Baein before looking away and focuses on calming down some more. ]
I worry about upsetting you! All of you. Both of you. Because I...
[ because he loves daeshim. because he has love for lennon too but he's not sure how to pick that apart yet, or how to express it, because it's difficult to sort through his own mind. baein's voice crackles a little when daeshim compares himself again. ]
You're Daeshim. That's all that matters. Don't compare yourself. Lennon too. The two of you, least of all, deserve to be alone. I would never, ever try to take that from you. If I can help that not happen—
[ opening his mouth to continue, the prince's voice gets caught in his throat for a second and he tries to swallow down the way his voice goes tight, tighter than he thought it could get. because the idea that he would live without either jasper or daeshim tears a hole inside him and— and he misses them. ]
N-no. I couldn't... l-live without any of them. I couldn't— I can't—
[ it takes him a moment to realize that he's crying, that he's hitching a little on no air, and by then the vampire slides down the door to sit on the floor. ]
[daeshim understands what it feels like to love and miss someone who isn't here...he and bae have that in common, it's a feeling that no one else can understand. sometimes he wonders if it's even cruel to love bae as he does, because maybe he should be wishing him away, back to his own.
but he can't help it. what is it that he's always telling lennon? he's not human. he's a greedy creature who wants who and what he wants. and he doesn't want to lose him, not even to those he rightfully belongs with.]
Come here.
[he leans back against lennon, but he stretches one hand out for bae, hoping.]
[ Lennon can't help but feel like an intruder on this conversation. It feels like it should be just Daeshim and Baein having this conversation still. His heart squeezes when Baein cries and and he swallows heavily about to push Daeshim to go comfort him. But Daeshim leaned into him and reached out for Baein.
He doesn't want to let go of his hold on him so he doesn't, just tries to offer Baein a small encouraging smile. ]
[ if baein could read lennon's thoughts, he'd just feel justified in his suspicions and probably try to run away, so it's a good thing he's not got that skill! yet. who knows what growing as a vampire will bring.
when daeshim beckons for him, baein looks at them both with wide eyes, afraid of any kind of rejection or protest from lennon's side, unsure how to gauge the way the other hasn't spoken a word, but then... baein did something that probably shook lennon too much to handle. and that's baein's own fault.
no rejection ever comes, but the vampire remembers when he didn't take daeshim's hand once before, and he's not going to make that same mistake again. so he swallows down a few more tears, unable to stop the way they run down his cheeks, before he slowly stumbles back to his feet so he can step forward, though he's hesitant, focusing more on the silent party than daeshim for a second. ]
[once the vampire is close enough, daeshim just surges forward, grabbing bae by the wrist and tugging him in with a giggle. he's not the strongest, but stronger than his size would lead one to believe. lennon could confirm that from his piggyback rides.
if ever there was a moment for an anime-style accidental "kiss", this would probably be it, since his tug brings lennon and baein face to face. the fae is happy to be sandwiched between them.]
Do you want your form back now that you know it is not a joke?
[ lennon's hand has something tight in baein's chest unfurl, and he takes another step.
only to tumble, not unlike a ragdoll, when daeshim tugs at him, and the prince manages a yelp before he comes face to face, almost nose to nose with lennon. blinking back a few tears as he tries to focus on the features on the other side of the blur, baein goes a pale pink, eyes a little wide when he finds himself frozen.
daeshim unfreezes him though, and baein can only stutter his reply, even if he doesn't look away from lennon. his voice is a little strangled with emotion and he swallows again. ]
N-no... no... I don't.
[ daeshim is warm against him where he's smooshed against him, and he can feel the way lennon's body gives off heat too. and the vampire can't help the way he just sags a little. ]
Do you want me to...? After I... after I said those things.
[ Baein... being that close to his lips has Lennon's eyes dropping from his eyes along the line of the other's cute nose to the lips below. He'd never really kissed Baein -- just that stolen one when they were both under the influence of something else but kissing Baein had been something he'd wanted for a long time. It's... so hard to resist when he's that close.
He swallows a little as he looks back up at Baein's eyes, takes in his answer to Daeshim, his question. He decides to answer for Daeshim.
The small distance between them is closed as Lennon crushes their lips together maybe a little too hard at first and he reigns it in to kiss Baein softly, the way he deserves. But almost as soon as he'd done it the worry that Baein doesn't want him to kiss him takes hold and he pulls back, swallowing.
He bites his tongue to keep from saying sorry -- at least until... he sees the other's reaction. ]
[it brings back memories, being crushed between two lovers this way. more than daeshim expected. but those are feelings to be dealt with at another time, quietly and alone, the same way that he made peace with his happiness here and the way he still mourns everything that he left behind in the ruinwood.]
Does swimming still seem like a good date idea?
[he loops his arms around bae's waist. it's something they can do at night. they don't have to worry about something being open or closed. it doesn't cost anything. (which is good, because he still hasn't told lennon that he spent all of his allowance on popcorn.) oh, and they don't have to wear clothes for it either.
[ baein can't hold back the quiet whimper that slips out when lennon kisses him, something he was thinking about but didn't hope would happen because while they're all here, everything is still sort of raw and weird and baein's vision is still a little blurry with tears though he's trying to stave them off.
when lennon pulls back, baein unconsciously follows to kiss him again, though he breaks it a second time when he realizes what he's doing, eyes darting over lennon's face for any sign of not wanting to.
daeshim's voice is what startles him back to reality and at first the vampire doesn't register the meaning of the words. ]
[ Something eases when Baein follows and presses another kiss to his lips. It's not... something Lennon did and Baein just accepted, Baein kissed him too. Chose to kiss him. He doesn't want it to stop. His eyes meeting the other's and he smiles, his tongue brushing over his lips where he can still taste Baein on them.
He really...wants to kiss him again but there's other things to attend to. He swallows and leans his head on Daeshim as he watches Baein. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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i see.
[don't mind him, just gonna mushroom for awhile.]
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[ if there was a way for baein to panic more than usual... well. ]
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[ As Lennon is trying very hard not to panic or cry because not again. He can't handle this! And well, mushrooms can't read? ]
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so he'll find them without protest, knocking on the door to whatever room they're in, dread coiled in his stomach because he doesn't know what happened, and... ]
Daeshim? Lennon?
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Come in.
[ Mushdae is on the bed right in front of Lennon and he's staring down at him, rubbing at the cap. ]
Fix it... he thinks you didn't mean it when you signed.
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[ the way the pitch and power of baein's voice falls into a whisper is laughably obvious as well as some panic that seems to bleed from his face, only to be replaced with guilt. he seems stuck right inside the doorway, though, unsure if he should go further in. lennon had invited him, yes, but... ]
I did not mean it like that. I just... I just thought it was not meant for me.
[ it's directed at the two of them, but he looks at the mushroom when he speaks. ]
I don't understand why you would ask, in such an indirect way. Why would you want to? I'm... [ baein exhales on no air and swallows. no, if he wallows and removes himself, won't that make it worse? ] You have each other, so... why?
[ why did you sign it, baein? because you wanted to, because your twin reassured you, because— ]
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but then he hears bae's voice and he almost wants to shrink even more. yes, he's upset at the thought that bae was just teasing them back, but also at the thought that bae would think that he could joke about the hearts and feelings of others.
he must...bad, for others to think that of him. right?
daeshim listens to his words, but he can't respond or answer any of his questions as he is. so he stretches back into himself in that weird way of his - at least it's a quick transformation.]
Did you know that when you arrived, Lennon also thought that I was done with him?
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[ baein drops his eyes to the floor and he's quiet for a second as he tries to rearrange his thoughts into something that isn't confusion or... well, self deprecating. ]
I felt as if I was invading, and upsetting him. In a way, I... I can understand that. But I have no claim over you. I don't even—
[ the vampire catches himself before he finishes that train of thought. looking up again, he glances to lennon first, and then daeshim. his voice wavers slightly. ]
I'm sorry. I didn't sign it because I thought it wasn't real. I just...
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[he glances at lennon, back to bae, and then looks down a little guiltily.]
I know I am not tall, I am not handsome or charming. [the daeshim that bae knows must be all of these things and more.] To be honest, I have also worried. I have hesitated, because I was afraid that I would end up alone. But...
[he shakes his head. these are things that he's kept to himself for a reason, and they're mostly resolved feelings now.]
I know now that he won't be taken away from me, nor I from him. But it doesn't mean that my heart is closed. It's not so simple, is it? Are we invading on your feelings for Jasper? In your world, who is the one who's not needed or wanted? Is it Jasper or is it me? Which one could you live without?
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He wants to argue when Daeshim talks about himself that way. His grip only tightening around him. He will tell daeshim how perfect he is again later...
He swallows a little at the direction the conversation takes and he feels like he doesn't quite belong in this conversation. He peeks at Baein before looking away and focuses on calming down some more. ]
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[ because he loves daeshim. because he has love for lennon too but he's not sure how to pick that apart yet, or how to express it, because it's difficult to sort through his own mind. baein's voice crackles a little when daeshim compares himself again. ]
You're Daeshim. That's all that matters. Don't compare yourself. Lennon too. The two of you, least of all, deserve to be alone. I would never, ever try to take that from you. If I can help that not happen—
[ opening his mouth to continue, the prince's voice gets caught in his throat for a second and he tries to swallow down the way his voice goes tight, tighter than he thought it could get. because the idea that he would live without either jasper or daeshim tears a hole inside him and— and he misses them. ]
N-no. I couldn't... l-live without any of them. I couldn't— I can't—
[ it takes him a moment to realize that he's crying, that he's hitching a little on no air, and by then the vampire slides down the door to sit on the floor. ]
I'm sorry. I didn't realize...
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but he can't help it. what is it that he's always telling lennon? he's not human. he's a greedy creature who wants who and what he wants. and he doesn't want to lose him, not even to those he rightfully belongs with.]
Come here.
[he leans back against lennon, but he stretches one hand out for bae, hoping.]
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He doesn't want to let go of his hold on him so he doesn't, just tries to offer Baein a small encouraging smile. ]
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when daeshim beckons for him, baein looks at them both with wide eyes, afraid of any kind of rejection or protest from lennon's side, unsure how to gauge the way the other hasn't spoken a word, but then... baein did something that probably shook lennon too much to handle. and that's baein's own fault.
no rejection ever comes, but the vampire remembers when he didn't take daeshim's hand once before, and he's not going to make that same mistake again. so he swallows down a few more tears, unable to stop the way they run down his cheeks, before he slowly stumbles back to his feet so he can step forward, though he's hesitant, focusing more on the silent party than daeshim for a second. ]
Lennon...?
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Normally, he wouldn't want anyone else in their bed or in their room but... this is different. ]
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if ever there was a moment for an anime-style accidental "kiss", this would probably be it, since his tug brings lennon and baein face to face. the fae is happy to be sandwiched between them.]
Do you want your form back now that you know it is not a joke?
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only to tumble, not unlike a ragdoll, when daeshim tugs at him, and the prince manages a yelp before he comes face to face, almost nose to nose with lennon. blinking back a few tears as he tries to focus on the features on the other side of the blur, baein goes a pale pink, eyes a little wide when he finds himself frozen.
daeshim unfreezes him though, and baein can only stutter his reply, even if he doesn't look away from lennon. his voice is a little strangled with emotion and he swallows again. ]
N-no... no... I don't.
[ daeshim is warm against him where he's smooshed against him, and he can feel the way lennon's body gives off heat too. and the vampire can't help the way he just sags a little. ]
Do you want me to...? After I... after I said those things.
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He swallows a little as he looks back up at Baein's eyes, takes in his answer to Daeshim, his question. He decides to answer for Daeshim.
The small distance between them is closed as Lennon crushes their lips together maybe a little too hard at first and he reigns it in to kiss Baein softly, the way he deserves. But almost as soon as he'd done it the worry that Baein doesn't want him to kiss him takes hold and he pulls back, swallowing.
He bites his tongue to keep from saying sorry -- at least until... he sees the other's reaction. ]
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Does swimming still seem like a good date idea?
[he loops his arms around bae's waist. it's something they can do at night. they don't have to worry about something being open or closed. it doesn't cost anything. (which is good, because he still hasn't told lennon that he spent all of his allowance on popcorn.) oh, and they don't have to wear clothes for it either.
wait-]
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when lennon pulls back, baein unconsciously follows to kiss him again, though he breaks it a second time when he realizes what he's doing, eyes darting over lennon's face for any sign of not wanting to.
daeshim's voice is what startles him back to reality and at first the vampire doesn't register the meaning of the words. ]
Swimming...?
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He really...wants to kiss him again but there's other things to attend to. He swallows and leans his head on Daeshim as he watches Baein. ]
Mm...would you like to?
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CUTS IN LINE REAL QUICK