[silence again, but only because he didn't think it was really necessary to respond when he's just going over there like asked.
but he's a bit of a mess when he arrives, purple curls stained with half-dried blood, a little of it on his shirt and skin too. and from his head, the babiest of baby deer antlers. there's even still velvet on them.]
[ When Daeshim arrive, Lennon's clearly a bit anxious. He's rubbing at his arm as he sits on the bed, chewing on his bottom lip with sharp teeth and all -- he's going to figure out how to file those down without it hurting like hell at some point. His tail is flicking.
It doesn't help that when he sees Daeshim he has blood on him.... He frowns, staring at him and are those... antlers... ]
[he sounds disappointed, almost embarrassed. where's the rest of him, the bones and ancient wood, the skull and antlered being floating above the ruinwood like something out of a nightmare? he looks more like a yearling.]
[ Lennon stands up and goes over to him. He reaches out to touch and then he's looking at where there's blood and his face is concerned. He's already on edge from their conversation. From the long silence, from those messages. It makes him angry. Anger. Yeah, that's it. That's why his eyes are getting wet.
[ Lennon might still be about to cry but he is trying, very hard, not to. He wraps his arms around the other and then starts pulling him toward the bathroom. He doesn't care about the antlers -- whether they stay or go... the blood bothers him. ]
I made you unhappy and upset...
[ He exhales and he starts pulling off the other's dirty clothes in the bathroom, pausing to rub his face briefly because he is so not going to cry. ]
[hopefully daeshim's smile is soft and secret enough that lennon doesn't see it. but he likes this, being marched into the bathroom, having his clothes pulled off of him. this is what love feels like him.
so it startles him a little when he sees the wetness of the human's eyes, and the way he rubs his face to fight it.]
No...well- [a frown returns to his lips, but only because he's trying to figure out his thoughts and put them into words.] You do make me happy.
[ Lennon focuses to finish undressing Daeshim then he undresses himself but there's nothing sexual about this. He just... wants to help Daeshim clean up and he wanted those clothes off of him.
But when they're both naked he just stands there, not quite looking at Daeshim. ]
But I upset you...do things I do upset you and you don't tell me?
[he's pretty. daeshim looks at him, admires him and thinks about how pretty he is, without thinking about fucking him. thoughts like that don't come instantly to him.
that question though...he has to take a long moment to think about that, lips pressing together until he speaks.]
I didn't think so. [but maybe. something had definitely been building up.] Lennon, I was worried about you. Worried because I love you. I wasn't trying to control you.
[even if he has that potential. the antlers are proof of that, as far as daeshim's concerned.]
[ Lennon starts to get chilly naked in the bathroom just standing but he waits for the other's answer. He's running the other's words through his head over and over again. ]
Dae...
[ Okay, he's crying and he wipes at his face again, looking away from him and then moving to turn on the water, taking deep breaths.
Love.
When is the last time someone loved him?
He can't say those words back, not yet and that scares him, that it'll be something that Daeshim will be upset about. ]
Tell me... all the things I do that upset you and why.
[ Maybe this isn't the way he should go about this but this is the way that he can and that he can make sense of it and maybe he's just trying to control the situation like he always does. ]
[ Lennon can't help it and he's focusing on getting the water ready, testing the temperature to wait for it to feel just right. ]
Try... at least... to tell me the things I do and if you can why. I need to know. I can't forget.
[ He doesn't push him away but he feels a little raw. Between the game gone wrong and... the antlers and blood and... it's overwhelming for him and not to mention love.
The water is good now so he pulls Daeshim in under the spray with him, ready to get the other washed up. ]
[try. okay. he can do that...he hopes. maybe the shower will help, the warm water relaxing him as it always does. he stands under the spray, eyes heavy-lidded while he lets the human's hands do their work.]
When you don't treat yourself well...it upsets me. [he wonders if he'll be able to explain it better than that. it's in the little things.] You don't exist just for others. But sometimes it feels that way.
[he frowns again, wondering if he should tie the obvious in with that.]
[ Lennon lets the other have time to think and talk as he's ready. He cleans him up slowly, rubbing away any dirt or blood. He listens, doesn't argue and it's hard for him.
They're things that are hard for him to know how to fix. He chews on his lip as he works and finally he looks at him a little bit after the question is asked. ]
It's just...work. It's work that I'm good at.
[ Work that gets him money to be useful and to feel like he has some control of his life. That's how he's always viewed money and sex work. He doesn't know how to explain that part. ]
[because if their roles were reversed, that's what lennon would say to him. and daeshim does pay attention to these things.
he closes his eyes, wobbling a little as his hair is washed, looking utterly happy in the in-between moments. but then he looks at him again.]
I don't like it. Not for money.
[and it's more than just daeshim's disdain for money. it feels...unhappy.]
You're beautiful and wonderful. [he traces his fingers lightly against lennon's sides and torso as he speaks.] Shouldn't share yourself for that. No one could afford what you're worth anyway.
[ It's true. That doesn't really answer the question. He tries to stay focused on cleaning the other up. He's cute... and he makes everything in Lennon feel alive. But everything is confusing inside of him despite the thrill of happiness. It's almost like that thrill of hearing those words turned the anxiety he was already feeling into overdrive.
He meets Daeshim's eyes and then his gaze lowers and he doesn't like the way he feels ashamed... and he doesn't think that's what Daeshim is trying to do -- he keeps that part to himself.
He closes his eyes completely as the other touches him, letting the words settle on him along with the spray of water. ]
We can't get what we need here with acorns, Dae.
[ And if nothing else, they need a place to live since Daeshim wants to live together. ]
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Daeshim... don't stop talking to me. You didn't even say the game was over.
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but eventually:]
it's your turn.
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my intentions were not what you think. you assumed the worst.
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Then explain, Dae. Because it felt a lot like you were trying to make a decision for me again.
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again?
you do as you wish all the time.
you play games when you want.
you give your blood to who you want.
sell your body to who you want too.
where is my control that annoys you so?
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He wants to point out that their whole first meeting started with Daeshim deciding that now Lennon belongs to him.
But he's over that. Mostly.
What is he supposed to say? ]
What do you want from me?
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i want you to feel for me what i feel for you.
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but he's a bit of a mess when he arrives, purple curls stained with half-dried blood, a little of it on his shirt and skin too. and from his head, the babiest of baby deer antlers. there's even still velvet on them.]
I'm here.
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It doesn't help that when he sees Daeshim he has blood on him.... He frowns, staring at him and are those... antlers... ]
What...happened?
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[he sounds disappointed, almost embarrassed. where's the rest of him, the bones and ancient wood, the skull and antlered being floating above the ruinwood like something out of a nightmare? he looks more like a yearling.]
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[ Lennon stands up and goes over to him. He reaches out to touch and then he's looking at where there's blood and his face is concerned. He's already on edge from their conversation. From the long silence, from those messages. It makes him angry. Anger. Yeah, that's it. That's why his eyes are getting wet.
He pushes the other's shoulder. ]
Are you hurt? There's blood!
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[well, it doesn't now that lennon is fussing over him. he likes the way that that feels.]
I change. When I'm upset. When I'm unhappy. Turn into one thing or another. [daeshim slumps against him.] They'll go away. Probably.
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I made you unhappy and upset...
[ He exhales and he starts pulling off the other's dirty clothes in the bathroom, pausing to rub his face briefly because he is so not going to cry. ]
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so it startles him a little when he sees the wetness of the human's eyes, and the way he rubs his face to fight it.]
No...well- [a frown returns to his lips, but only because he's trying to figure out his thoughts and put them into words.] You do make me happy.
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But when they're both naked he just stands there, not quite looking at Daeshim. ]
But I upset you...do things I do upset you and you don't tell me?
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that question though...he has to take a long moment to think about that, lips pressing together until he speaks.]
I didn't think so. [but maybe. something had definitely been building up.] Lennon, I was worried about you. Worried because I love you. I wasn't trying to control you.
[even if he has that potential. the antlers are proof of that, as far as daeshim's concerned.]
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Dae...
[ Okay, he's crying and he wipes at his face again, looking away from him and then moving to turn on the water, taking deep breaths.
Love.
When is the last time someone loved him?
He can't say those words back, not yet and that scares him, that it'll be something that Daeshim will be upset about. ]
Tell me... all the things I do that upset you and why.
[ Maybe this isn't the way he should go about this but this is the way that he can and that he can make sense of it and maybe he's just trying to control the situation like he always does. ]
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but lennon's tears are a pretty big distraction, and he finds himself being asked to explain some more.]
I...don't know all of them. Not the reasons why.
[daeshim frowns, because he doesn't think the other is going to be very happy with that answer.]
There aren't even many things to begin with! Maybe we can forget them.
[he slides his arms around the other's waist and rests lightly against him.]
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Try... at least... to tell me the things I do and if you can why. I need to know. I can't forget.
[ He doesn't push him away but he feels a little raw. Between the game gone wrong and... the antlers and blood and... it's overwhelming for him and not to mention love.
The water is good now so he pulls Daeshim in under the spray with him, ready to get the other washed up. ]
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When you don't treat yourself well...it upsets me. [he wonders if he'll be able to explain it better than that. it's in the little things.] You don't exist just for others. But sometimes it feels that way.
[he frowns again, wondering if he should tie the obvious in with that.]
Do you enjoy what you do at the brothel?
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They're things that are hard for him to know how to fix. He chews on his lip as he works and finally he looks at him a little bit after the question is asked. ]
It's just...work. It's work that I'm good at.
[ Work that gets him money to be useful and to feel like he has some control of his life. That's how he's always viewed money and sex work. He doesn't know how to explain that part. ]
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[because if their roles were reversed, that's what lennon would say to him. and daeshim does pay attention to these things.
he closes his eyes, wobbling a little as his hair is washed, looking utterly happy in the in-between moments. but then he looks at him again.]
I don't like it. Not for money.
[and it's more than just daeshim's disdain for money. it feels...unhappy.]
You're beautiful and wonderful. [he traces his fingers lightly against lennon's sides and torso as he speaks.] Shouldn't share yourself for that. No one could afford what you're worth anyway.
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He meets Daeshim's eyes and then his gaze lowers and he doesn't like the way he feels ashamed... and he doesn't think that's what Daeshim is trying to do -- he keeps that part to himself.
He closes his eyes completely as the other touches him, letting the words settle on him along with the spray of water. ]
We can't get what we need here with acorns, Dae.
[ And if nothing else, they need a place to live since Daeshim wants to live together. ]
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