[ Lennon might still be about to cry but he is trying, very hard, not to. He wraps his arms around the other and then starts pulling him toward the bathroom. He doesn't care about the antlers -- whether they stay or go... the blood bothers him. ]
I made you unhappy and upset...
[ He exhales and he starts pulling off the other's dirty clothes in the bathroom, pausing to rub his face briefly because he is so not going to cry. ]
[hopefully daeshim's smile is soft and secret enough that lennon doesn't see it. but he likes this, being marched into the bathroom, having his clothes pulled off of him. this is what love feels like him.
so it startles him a little when he sees the wetness of the human's eyes, and the way he rubs his face to fight it.]
No...well- [a frown returns to his lips, but only because he's trying to figure out his thoughts and put them into words.] You do make me happy.
[ Lennon focuses to finish undressing Daeshim then he undresses himself but there's nothing sexual about this. He just... wants to help Daeshim clean up and he wanted those clothes off of him.
But when they're both naked he just stands there, not quite looking at Daeshim. ]
But I upset you...do things I do upset you and you don't tell me?
[he's pretty. daeshim looks at him, admires him and thinks about how pretty he is, without thinking about fucking him. thoughts like that don't come instantly to him.
that question though...he has to take a long moment to think about that, lips pressing together until he speaks.]
I didn't think so. [but maybe. something had definitely been building up.] Lennon, I was worried about you. Worried because I love you. I wasn't trying to control you.
[even if he has that potential. the antlers are proof of that, as far as daeshim's concerned.]
[ Lennon starts to get chilly naked in the bathroom just standing but he waits for the other's answer. He's running the other's words through his head over and over again. ]
Dae...
[ Okay, he's crying and he wipes at his face again, looking away from him and then moving to turn on the water, taking deep breaths.
Love.
When is the last time someone loved him?
He can't say those words back, not yet and that scares him, that it'll be something that Daeshim will be upset about. ]
Tell me... all the things I do that upset you and why.
[ Maybe this isn't the way he should go about this but this is the way that he can and that he can make sense of it and maybe he's just trying to control the situation like he always does. ]
[ Lennon can't help it and he's focusing on getting the water ready, testing the temperature to wait for it to feel just right. ]
Try... at least... to tell me the things I do and if you can why. I need to know. I can't forget.
[ He doesn't push him away but he feels a little raw. Between the game gone wrong and... the antlers and blood and... it's overwhelming for him and not to mention love.
The water is good now so he pulls Daeshim in under the spray with him, ready to get the other washed up. ]
[try. okay. he can do that...he hopes. maybe the shower will help, the warm water relaxing him as it always does. he stands under the spray, eyes heavy-lidded while he lets the human's hands do their work.]
When you don't treat yourself well...it upsets me. [he wonders if he'll be able to explain it better than that. it's in the little things.] You don't exist just for others. But sometimes it feels that way.
[he frowns again, wondering if he should tie the obvious in with that.]
[ Lennon lets the other have time to think and talk as he's ready. He cleans him up slowly, rubbing away any dirt or blood. He listens, doesn't argue and it's hard for him.
They're things that are hard for him to know how to fix. He chews on his lip as he works and finally he looks at him a little bit after the question is asked. ]
It's just...work. It's work that I'm good at.
[ Work that gets him money to be useful and to feel like he has some control of his life. That's how he's always viewed money and sex work. He doesn't know how to explain that part. ]
[because if their roles were reversed, that's what lennon would say to him. and daeshim does pay attention to these things.
he closes his eyes, wobbling a little as his hair is washed, looking utterly happy in the in-between moments. but then he looks at him again.]
I don't like it. Not for money.
[and it's more than just daeshim's disdain for money. it feels...unhappy.]
You're beautiful and wonderful. [he traces his fingers lightly against lennon's sides and torso as he speaks.] Shouldn't share yourself for that. No one could afford what you're worth anyway.
[ It's true. That doesn't really answer the question. He tries to stay focused on cleaning the other up. He's cute... and he makes everything in Lennon feel alive. But everything is confusing inside of him despite the thrill of happiness. It's almost like that thrill of hearing those words turned the anxiety he was already feeling into overdrive.
He meets Daeshim's eyes and then his gaze lowers and he doesn't like the way he feels ashamed... and he doesn't think that's what Daeshim is trying to do -- he keeps that part to himself.
He closes his eyes completely as the other touches him, letting the words settle on him along with the spray of water. ]
We can't get what we need here with acorns, Dae.
[ And if nothing else, they need a place to live since Daeshim wants to live together. ]
[daeshim repeats the words. as loathe as he is to admit it, he knows that they're true. the things that he holds valuable, no one else does, and it's a bitter pill to swallow.
but the fae can swallow it, especially for lennon's sake.]
We find other ways.
[soap, soap...aha. he spots some, and picks it up to rub across lennon's skin in return.]
[ Lennon smiles a little when the other starts to wash him and he allows it. Usually, he might not but... right now... he does want to allow that. He's quiet as the other washes him, thinking. ]
I don't want you to have to worry about money... it's not who you are. Jasper and I are figuring the money out...
[daeshim was taught to be spoiled, and he does like it. but he also learned to reciprocate. it's nice in his own way.
he looks up at the mention of jasper's name, and while the pikachu isn't his jasper, he does trust him. daeshim refocuses on lathering and rinsing his skin, but gives one firm nod of his head after a couple of minutes.]
Okay. You and Jasper.
[he's just assuming that they're going to find something else.]
[he addresses that first because it's easy. he's only upset that he can't be a source himself. he doesn't want to think that lennon's only reason is the idea that he's donating in his place. other than that, it warms his heart more than anything.]
I think you're very generous for it. I'm grateful that he can count on you.
[and he knows that baein is grateful too, for many reasons. daeshim wraps his arms around him, trailing his fingers down along his spine. now, back to the other thing.]
I...would be pleased with that. You can always have sex for acorns instead! I have plenty!
[ Lennon is fond of Baein and he wants to help him but it would be a lie to say that his motivation isn't primarily based in making sure Daeshim doesn't worry and is happy. He nods, a little relieved. ]
I want to help him.
[ He understands Baein a lot...and well they're figuring out their own dynamic bit by bit.
He relaxes as the other's arms wrap around him and he rests his cheek on his shoulder. There's not long ago that he would have had trouble not turning this sexual. Where the intimacy and affection of just... being and holding someone you care about, being held and talking things through would have been too much. He's still skittish.
But Daeshim had given him a gift by telling him he loved him and then not pressing for him to say it back, not pushing the fact that he said it in his face over and over. It's the first time he'd heard that word toward himself in so long and it meant a lot, it meant just as much that Daeshim didn't attach pressure or expectation to his love.
Lennon laughs, and he lightly reaches back to swat at the other's hand and presses a kiss to the curve of the other's neck. ]
You don't have to give me acorns.
[ He'll talk to Jasper about his other options and he'll make sure that Daeshim is okay with what he definitely settles on. ]
You're holding out for my snake skin and quartz crystals...clever!
[daeshim would give them to him. he'd share all his little treasures if lennon wanted them.
it feels nice like this, with nothing between them and no expectation of anything more. he gets the feeling that that's somewhat rare among humans, and even more so with lennon.]
We can get out, before you get too cold.
[just because he's enjoying it, he won't if lennon's teeth start chattering.]
[ Lennon teases him but he... doesn't feel like having sex right now. He just wants to be close and to make sure everything's okay. He knows he can't fix every problem. But he'll try.
He shifts and leans to press a soft kiss to his lips before reaching to turn the water off. ]
[ Lennon asks and his voice is soft. There’s still something that
feels raw and vulnerable and he’s glad there’s no one else around to see
him right now. All his walls are down it feels like and he’s okay with
that. He trusts Daeshim. Daeshim loves him — and even if he can’t say it,
Lennon loves Daeshim too.
He allows Daeshim to wrap the towel and pulls it around himself tight for a
moment before he grabs one towel to give Daeshim and then a smaller towel
for his hair. He’s lost in thought, going through his post shower rituals.
He doesn’t look in the mirror. He tries never to when he’s undressed. He
glances at Daeshim and smiles. ]
You know most of them already.
[ Daeshim and him have worked through some and there’s not much more
to be said about them for the moment. ]
I think… not telling me about things that bother you upsets me the most.
Like about the showers… and you didn’t want me to work at the brothel but
never said anything.
[he's quiet for a long moment. it's that thoughtful sort of silence, the kind where daeshim is figuring out something about himself, and then trying just as hard at figuring out how to share it. he's come far, even if he still has far to go.]
I had to ignore it.
[he reaches up to catch lennon's face in his hands. he doesn't have to look at anything but him.]
Fae...aren't good to humans. Don't like them much. I don't want to become something that you don't like.
[ Lennon has to stop what he's doing when the other's hands move to his face. He stares at him. It's hard for him to accept that the other has to ignore it but doesn't he do the same thing with his own issues...? He'd be a hypocrite to call him out on that more. ]
[he needs to work hard. he needs to find a balance between communication and starving out those shadows by ignoring them. he guides lennon's face closer, tiptoeing if he must to press his lips against the human's forehead.]
You are very precious to me. Have I told you this?
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[well, it doesn't now that lennon is fussing over him. he likes the way that that feels.]
I change. When I'm upset. When I'm unhappy. Turn into one thing or another. [daeshim slumps against him.] They'll go away. Probably.
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I made you unhappy and upset...
[ He exhales and he starts pulling off the other's dirty clothes in the bathroom, pausing to rub his face briefly because he is so not going to cry. ]
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so it startles him a little when he sees the wetness of the human's eyes, and the way he rubs his face to fight it.]
No...well- [a frown returns to his lips, but only because he's trying to figure out his thoughts and put them into words.] You do make me happy.
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But when they're both naked he just stands there, not quite looking at Daeshim. ]
But I upset you...do things I do upset you and you don't tell me?
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that question though...he has to take a long moment to think about that, lips pressing together until he speaks.]
I didn't think so. [but maybe. something had definitely been building up.] Lennon, I was worried about you. Worried because I love you. I wasn't trying to control you.
[even if he has that potential. the antlers are proof of that, as far as daeshim's concerned.]
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Dae...
[ Okay, he's crying and he wipes at his face again, looking away from him and then moving to turn on the water, taking deep breaths.
Love.
When is the last time someone loved him?
He can't say those words back, not yet and that scares him, that it'll be something that Daeshim will be upset about. ]
Tell me... all the things I do that upset you and why.
[ Maybe this isn't the way he should go about this but this is the way that he can and that he can make sense of it and maybe he's just trying to control the situation like he always does. ]
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but lennon's tears are a pretty big distraction, and he finds himself being asked to explain some more.]
I...don't know all of them. Not the reasons why.
[daeshim frowns, because he doesn't think the other is going to be very happy with that answer.]
There aren't even many things to begin with! Maybe we can forget them.
[he slides his arms around the other's waist and rests lightly against him.]
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Try... at least... to tell me the things I do and if you can why. I need to know. I can't forget.
[ He doesn't push him away but he feels a little raw. Between the game gone wrong and... the antlers and blood and... it's overwhelming for him and not to mention love.
The water is good now so he pulls Daeshim in under the spray with him, ready to get the other washed up. ]
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When you don't treat yourself well...it upsets me. [he wonders if he'll be able to explain it better than that. it's in the little things.] You don't exist just for others. But sometimes it feels that way.
[he frowns again, wondering if he should tie the obvious in with that.]
Do you enjoy what you do at the brothel?
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They're things that are hard for him to know how to fix. He chews on his lip as he works and finally he looks at him a little bit after the question is asked. ]
It's just...work. It's work that I'm good at.
[ Work that gets him money to be useful and to feel like he has some control of his life. That's how he's always viewed money and sex work. He doesn't know how to explain that part. ]
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[because if their roles were reversed, that's what lennon would say to him. and daeshim does pay attention to these things.
he closes his eyes, wobbling a little as his hair is washed, looking utterly happy in the in-between moments. but then he looks at him again.]
I don't like it. Not for money.
[and it's more than just daeshim's disdain for money. it feels...unhappy.]
You're beautiful and wonderful. [he traces his fingers lightly against lennon's sides and torso as he speaks.] Shouldn't share yourself for that. No one could afford what you're worth anyway.
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He meets Daeshim's eyes and then his gaze lowers and he doesn't like the way he feels ashamed... and he doesn't think that's what Daeshim is trying to do -- he keeps that part to himself.
He closes his eyes completely as the other touches him, letting the words settle on him along with the spray of water. ]
We can't get what we need here with acorns, Dae.
[ And if nothing else, they need a place to live since Daeshim wants to live together. ]
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[daeshim repeats the words. as loathe as he is to admit it, he knows that they're true. the things that he holds valuable, no one else does, and it's a bitter pill to swallow.
but the fae can swallow it, especially for lennon's sake.]
We find other ways.
[soap, soap...aha. he spots some, and picks it up to rub across lennon's skin in return.]
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I don't want you to have to worry about money... it's not who you are. Jasper and I are figuring the money out...
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he looks up at the mention of jasper's name, and while the pikachu isn't his jasper, he does trust him. daeshim refocuses on lathering and rinsing his skin, but gives one firm nod of his head after a couple of minutes.]
Okay. You and Jasper.
[he's just assuming that they're going to find something else.]
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What... If it wasn't actually having sex for money?
[ Camboying isn't a thing here but he does know there are some clubs with dancers and the like. ]
And... does it upset you for me to let Baein drink from me...?
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[he addresses that first because it's easy. he's only upset that he can't be a source himself. he doesn't want to think that lennon's only reason is the idea that he's donating in his place. other than that, it warms his heart more than anything.]
I think you're very generous for it. I'm grateful that he can count on you.
[and he knows that baein is grateful too, for many reasons. daeshim wraps his arms around him, trailing his fingers down along his spine. now, back to the other thing.]
I...would be pleased with that. You can always have sex for acorns instead! I have plenty!
[he laughs, giving his ass a little pat.]
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I want to help him.
[ He understands Baein a lot...and well they're figuring out their own dynamic bit by bit.
He relaxes as the other's arms wrap around him and he rests his cheek on his shoulder. There's not long ago that he would have had trouble not turning this sexual. Where the intimacy and affection of just... being and holding someone you care about, being held and talking things through would have been too much. He's still skittish.
But Daeshim had given him a gift by telling him he loved him and then not pressing for him to say it back, not pushing the fact that he said it in his face over and over. It's the first time he'd heard that word toward himself in so long and it meant a lot, it meant just as much that Daeshim didn't attach pressure or expectation to his love.
Lennon laughs, and he lightly reaches back to swat at the other's hand and presses a kiss to the curve of the other's neck. ]
You don't have to give me acorns.
[ He'll talk to Jasper about his other options and he'll make sure that Daeshim is okay with what he definitely settles on. ]
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[daeshim would give them to him. he'd share all his little treasures if lennon wanted them.
it feels nice like this, with nothing between them and no expectation of anything more. he gets the feeling that that's somewhat rare among humans, and even more so with lennon.]
We can get out, before you get too cold.
[just because he's enjoying it, he won't if lennon's teeth start chattering.]
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[ Lennon teases him but he... doesn't feel like having sex right now. He just wants to be close and to make sure everything's okay. He knows he can't fix every problem. But he'll try.
He shifts and leans to press a soft kiss to his lips before reaching to turn the water off. ]
Is there anything else... that upsets you?
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[daeshim looks down, wiggling his toes as the last of the water goes down the drain. it's clear now, and not pink like before.]
If there is, I don't remember it now.
[happiness has replaced it, daeshim snapping out of whatever daze he was in to reach for a towel to wrap around lennon.]
Do I...do things that upset you? [he looks up at him, the question not really sounding like a question.] I must.
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If you remember, will you tell me?
[ Lennon asks and his voice is soft. There’s still something that feels raw and vulnerable and he’s glad there’s no one else around to see him right now. All his walls are down it feels like and he’s okay with that. He trusts Daeshim. Daeshim loves him — and even if he can’t say it, Lennon loves Daeshim too.
He allows Daeshim to wrap the towel and pulls it around himself tight for a moment before he grabs one towel to give Daeshim and then a smaller towel for his hair. He’s lost in thought, going through his post shower rituals. He doesn’t look in the mirror. He tries never to when he’s undressed. He glances at Daeshim and smiles. ]
You know most of them already.
[ Daeshim and him have worked through some and there’s not much more to be said about them for the moment. ]
I think… not telling me about things that bother you upsets me the most. Like about the showers… and you didn’t want me to work at the brothel but never said anything.
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I had to ignore it.
[he reaches up to catch lennon's face in his hands. he doesn't have to look at anything but him.]
Fae...aren't good to humans. Don't like them much. I don't want to become something that you don't like.
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You won't.
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[he needs to work hard. he needs to find a balance between communication and starving out those shadows by ignoring them. he guides lennon's face closer, tiptoeing if he must to press his lips against the human's forehead.]
You are very precious to me. Have I told you this?
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