inbox. [jikan]

[faeshim]

Comments

[privatechat]

with what? When..?

[faeshim]

at the brothel. and at the party. you have marks that aren't mine, scents too.

[privatechat]

[ Lennon had… maybe thought the brothel was less about jealousy… he furrows his brow before finally replying. ]

you said it didn’t bother you if it wasn’t for money… is that not how it is?

[faeshim]

i said that i want you to be happy, and asked that it not be for money. that's how it is.

there's no need to worry. it doesn't pain me.

[privatechat]

Jealousy hurts.

[faeshim]

it stings. there are no lasting effects. let it worry you as much as a bee sting would.

[privatechat]

Daeshim. What are things you want just for you and me? Sexually.

[faeshim]

you should decide this.

[privatechat]

you’re the one that got jealous s.

[faeshim]

you seem just as bothered. why?

[privatechat]

because… I don’t want to make you jealous. Maybe I feel jealousy different but it hurts more than a bee sting. I like sex but I think I don’t like making you jealous.

and… like… if you wanted me to not have sex with other people then I’d stop. But if Also if I can help you not get jealous…

[ Whoops. Emotions. ]

[faeshim]

it would not be fair to you. you and i have different needs. and i am not the only one who feels it, i know this.

[privatechat]

Why are you making this so hard?

[faeshim]

do i not also make it hard for you? when you see me with jasper or with bae, and know that they've been in my heart.

[privatechat]

It's better than it used to be... you... there's things that are just ours.

It only got better than it was because we talked through it and...stuff.

And I feel too selfish if I just do things that I know make you jealous and we aren't even trying to make that better.

[faeshim]

[it takes him a long time to respond to that. mostly because he has to think through some things.]

i...understand.

i also want to make things better.

i mean less to them now, i know this. there is likely no place in their hearts for me as i am. so i selfishly think of taking all of yours for myself. not just your heart but your body too.

what can we do?

[privatechat]

I don't think that's true, that there's no place for you... I think you three are tied and meant to be no matter how you come together so it'd just... be a matter of time.

[ And it still makes his stomach twist in a strange way but he doesn't like to think Daeshim really believes that. He sighs before he continues with another message to address the rest of that. ]

You have my whole heart, Dae. No one else has a piece of it... it's just you.

Do you just... Are you just replacing them with me? If they were your Jasper and your Baein... you wouldn't want all of my heart and all of my body?

[ Everything's all tangled up inside of him now, more than when he started. And he feels fragile admitting that the other has his heart because it means Dae can break him. He loves him and even if he says as much as he does he can't say those words. Not when in the same breath he feels his insecurities reignited. ]

[faeshim]

you are not a replacement.

[he knows this for certain, though he worries that he won't be able to remove the doubt from lennon.]

if they were my bae and jasper, i would want you the same. if the strange magic of this place whispered a bargain where i could trade you for them, i would not. you are mine. we are also meant to be.

[privatechat]

[ Lennon can't help but doubt it. How could he not? ]

You made it sound like you only thought of taking all of it because you think they're not yours.

But Dae... even if I'm a replacement it doesn't matter because you're mine and I'm yours.

And I don't know what to do to help you not feel jealous.

Should I never kiss anyone else?

[faeshim]

you are not a replacement.

[because it bears repeating.]

you are my lennon. you are my first. why shouldn't i take you for my own, the way i did with them? i stole bae, took him away from everything that he knew and loved, until i could not stand his sadness anymore. this is what i meant. should i do this with you here? sometimes i look at you and fear that i will. i am a greedy creature whose jealousy is dangerous. you, more than anyone, i want. you, i know i love.

[and it might be lennon's undoing.]

[privatechat]

[ It's hard for Lennon to wrap his brain around this. Any of it really. He's quiet, rubbing his communicator anxiously and feeling unsettled and he's not sure why. ]

Dae...You already have me.

To me... sex is meaningless by itself. It just feels good.

And there's things I like that I know you wouldn't like... and...

It doesn't matter. if you tell me to only have sex with you, to only kiss you then I'll do it. I'm yours, Dae. You don't have to steal me, I gave myself to you.

[faeshim]

...i know. i knew this before.

i am still jealous of those people who can give you what i cannot, because i am greedy. but i would not trade with them. i have the real treasure.

i won't tell you this. but i know you would be true to your word if i did, and that...thank you.

[privatechat]

I want it from you. I'd rather it be you. But I could do without those things.

Sex with you is the only sex that means anything.

Create some boundaries for me, with me, if nothing else.

[faeshim]

[this one and boundaries...are you sure about that, lennon?

especially when it actually sounds kind of fun to him.]

ok!

[privatechat]

so, what boundaries do you want~?