It's not that Dae wants to do it. He just didn't want to choose a word that Lennon would never say. He still feels a little anxious about it, but better, able to settle more into the human's arms and the attention that he's giving his neck.
"How?" He begins, and then isn't sure how to go from there. He doesn't want him to mistake his lack of understanding for judgment. "Why do you like it?"
Lennon hadn't thought the conversation would go that direction. He nuzzles his neck, though, as he feels a twist of nervousness at the question. He'd never actually had to explain it before. Jasper had understood it and Hunter well, he just knew it to exist whether he understood or not he'd never indicated.
He holds Daeshim close and takes his time before trying to answer.
"Pain and pleasure are like...two sides of the same coin," Lennon says quietly. "There's a rush when there's pain. It's not all pain and it's not if it's pain I don't want or pain I can't stop if I want it to stop," he swallows. "Maybe... I guess, at some point I was hurting so much that I wanted pain I could control," but he's not a psychologist. "And now... it just... feels good and it just... makes me feel better."
Lennon swallows a little. "It's okay that you don't understand it."
It must be a human thing, though it never came up with his Baein or Jasper. That's the only way Daeshim can understand it. There isn't a creature in the forest that willingly steps into a trap. But there are other kinds of pain too, some worse than others.
"The ones who cause pain. Those are the ones I don't understand."
Lennon is an enigma to him sometimes, but always accepted.
"That's why I would never..." he trails off and then shakes his head. "Jasper might be able to explain it better."
Jasper's pretty good at explaining a lot of things, to be honest. He doesn't think Daeshim really understands him in this either, even if he accepts him.
Being grumpy was once his default state. It's harder to maintain now, just a fleeting feeling. The press of Lennon's face against his neck makes him smile, or at least gives him the same feeling of smiling.
"I love you."
Instead of saying that Lennon is his - which is also true. But sometimes it needs to be said in the language of humans too.
Lennon relaxes just a little when he hears those words. They don't use those words much so when they do it has a bigger impact on Lennon. He hugs his arms around Daeshim tightly.
"I love you too," he says quietly, even if he has trouble saying it still and the times he has are probably a total of 2 or 3.
He wiggles free of Lennon's embrace, but only so he can turn and wrap his arms around him instead. There was just something about it. A feeling. It was as if he was clinging to him, afraid that he might somehow lose him. Daeshim wants to hold him instead, make him feel safe and treasured. He can't do everything for him, but he can do that much.
"You do, I know it. You are my Treasure, my friend, and my family. I want you to know this, so that you know that you never have to apologize to me ever again. There is no need."
Lennon doesn't fight Daeshim when he moves and he lets himself be wrapped up in the other's arms and it's safe and good. He feels some of the knotted tension in his chest start to relax from something as simple as that. Daeshim knowing when he needs to hear he's loved and knowing when he needs to be held even before Lennon had realized it.
His words make his heart swell and he tilts his head to nose at the other's cheek.
"Family..." he can't help but get a little stuck on that word. He curls into the other more, soaking in everything about daeshim.
"I didn't want to upset you is all... you sounded like you were."
maybe he's still a bit antsy from some of the stuff that happened when they were both under the effects of Nippon.
"Family." He repeats that word, stronger than before. "Even before we make our own." He's already a part of it, even before the first of many babies. The Fae tips his head back a little, so that he can rest his chin on the top of Lennon's head.
"My Unseelie blood is quick to rise sometimes. It happens because I love you. Happens because you are mine and because you're so precious to me. Don't let it frighten you."
Lennon closes his eyes and there's a small smile. Honestly, he'd never thought he'd have a family again and Daeshim had given him hope for one and now... he realizes he really does already have a family again and they'll make it bigger. He loves his fae so much, he's given him the most important things he has in his life.
"I...wasn't afraid," Lennon says quietly. It's only scared him once. "Your unseelie blood is a part of you too and I love all of you, all of you is mine." Just like all of him is Daeshim's.
"My Seelie blood isn't much better." He admits softly. It's probably where most of his selfishness comes from. The Seelie Court believes itself to be superior, especially over humans.
"You can tell me..." Lennon says softly. "I just meant you're mine and whatever it means ... isn't going to change that." Because he realizes how it might have sounded... so just in case...
"They're not worlds that I belong in, but..." He pauses, getting comfortable against him. "You know the sting of it. It is much like it was with your family. But they're wrong, all of them. And their loss is my gain."
Treasures are often found, after all. Daeshim has found his. The fae giggles, feeling even warmer at his compliment.
Lennon is quiet as the other explains at least a little and he feels a chord of familiarity and he is glad they’re pressed close together, warm, secure.
"Yes you do! I feel quite loved." It's perhaps the one thing that Daeshim has done right. He's never pressured Lennon for the words. He sees the love in his actions and in his eyes, feels it in his kisses and touches.
"And I love you too, my treasure. Father of Lain, Lark and Lavender!"
"Three..." Lennon still is overwhelmed at the idea of one but he knows how Daeshim is with numbers and he's being reminded that they definitely will have more than one. "You already named them?"
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"How?" He begins, and then isn't sure how to go from there. He doesn't want him to mistake his lack of understanding for judgment. "Why do you like it?"
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He holds Daeshim close and takes his time before trying to answer.
"Pain and pleasure are like...two sides of the same coin," Lennon says quietly. "There's a rush when there's pain. It's not all pain and it's not if it's pain I don't want or pain I can't stop if I want it to stop," he swallows. "Maybe... I guess, at some point I was hurting so much that I wanted pain I could control," but he's not a psychologist. "And now... it just... feels good and it just... makes me feel better."
Lennon swallows a little. "It's okay that you don't understand it."
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It must be a human thing, though it never came up with his Baein or Jasper. That's the only way Daeshim can understand it. There isn't a creature in the forest that willingly steps into a trap. But there are other kinds of pain too, some worse than others.
"The ones who cause pain. Those are the ones I don't understand."
Lennon is an enigma to him sometimes, but always accepted.
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"That's why I would never..." he trails off and then shakes his head. "Jasper might be able to explain it better."
Jasper's pretty good at explaining a lot of things, to be honest. He doesn't think Daeshim really understands him in this either, even if he accepts him.
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"That's twice you've said his name."
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"I love you."
Instead of saying that Lennon is his - which is also true. But sometimes it needs to be said in the language of humans too.
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"I love you too," he says quietly, even if he has trouble saying it still and the times he has are probably a total of 2 or 3.
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"You do, I know it. You are my Treasure, my friend, and my family. I want you to know this, so that you know that you never have to apologize to me ever again. There is no need."
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His words make his heart swell and he tilts his head to nose at the other's cheek.
"Family..." he can't help but get a little stuck on that word. He curls into the other more, soaking in everything about daeshim.
"I didn't want to upset you is all... you sounded like you were."
maybe he's still a bit antsy from some of the stuff that happened when they were both under the effects of Nippon.
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"My Unseelie blood is quick to rise sometimes. It happens because I love you. Happens because you are mine and because you're so precious to me. Don't let it frighten you."
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"I...wasn't afraid," Lennon says quietly. It's only scared him once. "Your unseelie blood is a part of you too and I love all of you, all of you is mine." Just like all of him is Daeshim's.
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"I'm glad they would not let me stay."
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"I don't really know what it all means... but it doesn't matter."
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"Our children will be as beautiful as the Seelie no matter what, thanks to you."
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"You're beautiful, Daeshim."
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Treasures are often found, after all. Daeshim has found his. The fae giggles, feeling even warmer at his compliment.
"In your eyes. And it is all that matters."
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“We’ll never… abandon our baby.”
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Daeshim is prepared to protect their child, not just from danger, but from the other fae who will see it as the most curious thing ever.
"It will be perfect, and strong."
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"I love you," he murmurs the words he rarely says quietly because nothing else seemed exactly right.
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"And I love you too, my treasure. Father of Lain, Lark and Lavender!"
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"What...?"
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Because seven is even better but nine is best! Daeshim tilts his head, because that's not entirely the case, but he's not sure how to explain it.
"Mm...for now. They like your name, so I thought L names might suit them. Why, is there a letter that you like best?"
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